Seeing Myself

Anneliese Fox
3 min readJun 24, 2022

As I Really Am

Image of fungus growing on the stump of a tree
Tree fungus. Photo by author.

I read, many years ago, that as our weight increases we tend to see ourselves as thinner than we really are. When the weight goes down, the opposite is true. We think we are fatter than we look.

In my case, I think it’s at least somewhat true.

But there’s an even bigger reset that no one told me about.

I had the cataracts in my eyes repaired. It wasn’t until I was about to go in to get the second eye fixed that a friend commented about how you don’t realize how yellow everything looks until you get the cataracts fixed. That’s true. I wish I’d known sooner. After the first eye was done, I worried big time that it wasn’t registering color correctly. Turns out, it was doing a better job of it than the other eye.

But that wasn’t even the biggest detail. Aside from the fact that I went from something like 20/200 to 20/20, everything looked different. It turns out that I hadn’t really been seeing things for a very long time.

Most especially, I didn’t look anything like what I’d thought I looked like. I was a whole lot fatter and a whole lot older.

Now, for a variety of reasons, I’d put on a bunch of weight — new house, moving Mom in to live with us, losing Mom, Covid, depression, what not. And, well, it’s been an interesting few years. I’ve turned a…



Anneliese Fox

Writer of speculative fiction, programmer, artist in wood and clay, owner of Fox Computer Systems. My almost weekly blog follows what interests me at the moment